THE ALCOHOL RETHINK PODCAST
Episode 262: I Thought Drinking Made Me Happy. Nick's Story
Host: Patrick Fox | Guest: Nick
Website: https://www.patrickjfox.com
EPISODE OVERVIEW
Nick joins Patrick Fox on The Alcohol ReThink Podcast to discuss how social drinking developed into an everyday habit, why he believed alcohol made him happy, and what changed as he approached two years alcohol-free. They explore anxiety, changing beliefs about alcohol, coaching, emotional wellbeing, family life and building self-trust without drinking.
TOPICS DISCUSSED
Changing your relationship with alcohol; drinking habits; alcohol-free living; sober coaching; anxiety and alcohol; emotional awareness; family and parenting; confidence and self-trust; life without alcohol.
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Edited for readability from the episode subtitles. Timestamps have been removed. The spoken conversation is preserved; automated captions may contain occasional inaccuracies.
Welcome to the Alcohol Rethink Podcast, the podcast for men who are ready to rethink the role of alcohol in their lives for good. With shared experiences, concepts, tools, and coaching. Get ready to radically change how you think about alcohol and stop drinking for good. I'm your host, Patrick Fox. Let's go. You're listening to episode #262 of the Alcohol ReThink Podcast. Hey everybody, welcome back to the podcast. Really amazing to have you here with me today as is it amazing to have my guest with me today as well because he's this really cool guy.
I've worked with him probably a couple of years ago. I'm sure he'll be able to clarify for me in a minute. And we, we, we've been on a journey together and I reached out to him before the summer and asked him to come on and share his experience. And he was really happy to do so. So it's great to be able to bring him on today. Nick, welcome to the show, dude. Hi, Patrick. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. No, you're absolutely welcome and it's really nice to have you on. I think it's so these kinds of episodes are some of the most powerful because I think that when guys listening or anyone else who's listening to this, like they can hear themselves in other people's journeys and interviews and stuff. So yeah, it's a real privilege
to have you on, dude. Yeah, I'm glad to be here and and share my story with others and in hopes that it'll help anybody who's listening. Nice, cool. All right, man. Well, you, you kind of know the drill in terms of how these interviews work. So what I'd love to do, Nick, if it's all right with you, is just to kind of get a sense of where you were at before you reached out to me for coaching. And then we'll we'll go from there. So kind of, yeah, if that's OK with you. Just give it a little sense of where you're at or why you reached out as well.
Yeah, I'll walk you through my journey. So, you know, drinking kind of started for me in the college years and when I went to College in the United States, you're 18, 19 years old. And it becomes a way of socializing or a way of having fun. And you know, every Friday, Saturday, sometimes on the weeknights, there would be parties. And at those parties, the, the main part was alcohol. And it was, it was a way to quote unquote, have fun. So that's kind of how I really got into drinking or consuming alcohol as I started my professional career.
It was really a gradual thing. You know, I would, I would. It started on the weekends as a way to unwind and relax. And then I caught myself reaching for a beer after work, maybe, maybe 2, maybe 3. And it became this gradual thing. I, I got married in 2013 and my wife and I then had kids. And I started to realize very slowly that alcohol was consuming my life and it was becoming a part of who I was. And so in November of 2024, I reached out to you because I wanted to change.
And I was stuck in this loop where I was anxious because I wasn't drinking and then I would consume and then I was anxious because I wasn't so sure what happened when I was drinking. So it was this spiral that I couldn't get out of. And one day I woke up and I just had enough. I was ready to change my life and through about a year of hard work with you, Patrick, I was able to climb out of this rut that I was stuck in. And now I am coming up on two years sober and feel, feel great.
You know, it's, it's the best thing I've ever done was invest in myself. Nice, man. Yeah, two years. That's incredible dude. Yeah, I was counting the days this morning, you know, over 700 days. That's, that's incredible. And it it keeps getting better every day. Yeah, yeah. Especially when you think about those early days where seven days feels like gigantic task ahead of you. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, You know, I, it's funny you bring that up because I, I early on in my journey, I did start counting those days and the days seemed long because you feel like you're putting in so much work. But looking back on it now, they seem trivial. Now I find myself just enjoying the moment, not having to worry about where the next bar is or how, what, what are my plans going to be around alcohol?
Now my plans are just my plans and it feels great. Yeah, nice man. Oh man, it's cool. So let's for a minute, if that's all right, just talk about some of the, the, the, the relationship you had with alcohol essentially before we met, right. And so I think the, the whole college thing, you know, I've worked with quite a few guys based over in the US and college is massive. Same like here in the UK, you've got the university, so really big drink cultures. And what's fascinating or what I was curious for you is like, did it feel like it's just a given that that's what you do when you go to college? Like, were you even?
Were you thinking about drinking before you even got there, essentially? Absolutely. I mean, it was one of those things where it's like, hey, who had a a fake ID so that you could buy alcohol for the party. Literally everything was pre planned around having alcohol at the parties. And while you were there, you would see people that were blacked out or that would get sick. And that was something that people thought was really funny at the time. And you're young and I guess you don't know any better, but it's certainly was the highlight of every party that we went to.
You know, you go to a tailgate for a football game and it was all centered around alcohol, particularly beer. You go to a house party or a graduation party or any celebration. Alcohol was the centrepiece. Yeah, it's such a, it's a weird thing, isn't it? Like once you stop drinking, you look back, reflect and you think about how you would celebrate who was the drunkest and what the the the most silly but probably quite dangerous thing that they got involved with because of alcohol as well, right? Absolutely. Yeah, it is. It is quite fascinating that that's what we were doing. I mean, we would wake up the next morning and we would literally tell stories to each other about, you know, so and so did this while they were drunk or so. And so they said this and we thought it was fun, but, you know, as as I grew up, I started
to realize that that's not the person I wanted to be. Yeah, yeah. And then you're saying that alcohol was starting to consume your life. And I mean, what exactly did that look like? Yeah, You know, I, I wasn't the type of drinker who would wake up in the morning and drink. I typically wake up with a slight hangover. And throughout the day, I would kind of dread the mornings. I would get to 11:12, one O clock in the afternoon and I'd start to feel normal again. And then that's where my mind started thinking, all right, when work gets over, I'm going to go home.
I can have a couple beers, maybe open a bottle of wine, maybe I have a nightcap. And it, like I had mentioned earlier, it was it was a gradual thing for me where it started out small, where I could have one drink a day, but then I wasn't getting the same feeling that I was after. That quickly turned into 456 drinks a night towards the tail end when I really decided that I wanted to make a change. There was quite a habit of blacking out almost every night and it was it was a way for me to relax and unwind.
But at the same time, what I was really doing was fighting feelings I didn't want to feel. And I knew that I was numbing or medicating myself, but I didn't quite understand why. And I think that when I was really stuck in it, I, I believed that the only way that I could find happiness was through drinking. And eventually, very similar to your story, Patrick, I woke up one day and I wasn't planning on on quitting, but I, I woke up and I said to myself, you know what, I'm kind of done with this.
And that is the single most best decision I've made in my life. Was that that morning? Yeah, yeah, it's, it's quite something, isn't it? Like when you you finally make that decision, like you just know something has to change. It can't continue the way that it is, man. Yeah. And you know, I, I'd felt a lot of weight on my shoulders, particularly leading up to that moment was there was this stress about my, I knew that I needed to change something and my body was telling me that and I didn't know.
And the way that my body was telling you that was through anxiety. I was having anxiety around not drinking or anxiety about the night before. And I think that morning was the time that I actually listened to myself. And I said, hey, you know what, maybe this is a sign or maybe this is something that you should look into further. So I would encourage everybody out there to to listen to yourself and listen to the feelings that your body is telling you. It's it's a very powerful thing and I believe it happens for a reason. Yeah, yeah, The, the, the body keeps the score and all that as well, for sure.
One of the beliefs that you had, and I think it's really fascinating, is this idea that the only way I could be happy was and drink it. Yeah. Where did that come from, do you think? I don't know. I, I, you know, I think it, it was foundational, starting with partying, because I had so many memories of laughter and good times and alcohol was involved and I think it became almost a habit. I think that the, the effects of the, the day after drinking were you're feeling crummy, you don't feel good, you're hungover.
And to me, that meant unhappiness. So the way to get back to a happy place was to consume alcohol. And so it, it literally was a circular reference where I I felt crummy the next day. And I associated that with unhappiness. And the only way to feel better was to continue the cycle. Yeah, that is really fascinating. Is it like, so you're you literally thought that so your brain or you weren't seeing that it was alcohol that was making you feel the way that you did. It was because there was a belief that you were unhappy. So then alcohol became the solution to the thing that was causing the problem.
Exactly, Yeah. Yeah, it's tough. Like beliefs can be so compelling and so believable as well, right? Like we truly think that that's just reality. It's a one other thing. And then we talk about like some of the stuff that we did. That's all right. But you know, you said about fighting feelings. Was anxiety part of that equation or was it were you kind of referring to something else in terms of fighting feelings? I, I think that I, I didn't know how to feel towards the end. And through that time, I, I think that I wasn't equipping myself with the tools to feel, you know, when you, when alcohol is used every day, I, I think that you're, you're numbing something and that's OK until it becomes something that is repeatable.
And for me, I was numbing feelings in general. I didn't want to feel happy. I didn't want to feel sad. I didn't want to feel anxious. And until I, I came to the realization that my belief was that being on this earth and being a human is, is about all of the feelings and being able to experience the joy that those feelings can bring to you, whether good or bad. Until I realized that I I, I don't think I was going to make any progress. Yeah, yeah, it's such a great point.
Like because to to be human is to feel right like. Exactly. We it's it's in our make up, it's how we're designed. I always love that idea of the Alatin origin of the word emotion, right? Emotion means to move, right? So emotions want to move through US and think so many of us for one reason or another have learnt that alcohol is a way to change how we feel or escape how we feel, for example. Nice, So what? So when you came to me then what were some of the things that well firstly, how are you feeling about even just reaching out to me? Because I know that can be a big deal for a lot of guys. I was scared, I was embarrassed.
I, I felt like I was the only one going through this problem. And, you know, you start to look inward and you get in this dark space where you feel alone. And it took a lot of courage to to reach out and to actually tell somebody, hey, I think I have a problem. And, you know, I was welcomed with open arms. And you, you quickly helped me realize that I'm not the only one going through this. There's others out there. And getting on the group chat and realizing that there are other people out here going through similar things and that we can all help and support each other was a really powerful thing.
You know, it it to me, it didn't mean that I had to contribute all the time to the group chat, but it was really reassuring to read the messages that would come in and realize that I wasn't alone. But it it did take a lot of courage to to come to the table and say I want to make a change. Yeah, well, I think surprised such an amazing badass thing to do because just even that courage it took to reach out to me or, you know, not necessarily even just reach out to me, but like to to admit to yourself like this isn't working for me anymore. Like I need to make a change of it. Like that's a real big moment, I think in this journey. And it requires a ton of courage. And I think that's why so many
people are taught, let's say, to being ashamed, to feel judged, to feel, you know, bad about their drinking. But actually, you know, we are exposed to a drug that is highly marketed that we've been culturally in condition to believe that we need, right? So that's why it's a badass thing to do, man. Yeah, it it is funny. Like you watch these commercials and they'll say have a refreshing Coors Light or have a refreshing Margarita. And it makes me think of my first month that I was going through this journey with you. I was really nervous because I was going on a family trip to Mexico.
And while I was out there, I remember vividly texting you and I said the only thing I want right now is a Margarita. And you said, why do you want a Margarita? And I said, because it sounds refreshing. And your response was, well, can't you have a different drink that is refreshing that doesn't have alcohol? And that was the first time that I realized kind of the effects of some of these marketing techniques where, you know, we are, it is hammered in our brains that these drinks and this drug is is refreshing and it it will benefit you if you drink this. But there are other things that benefit you in a way more positive way.
So just a quick little story I thought of. No, I really appreciate that. I'm sure a lot of people will take something away from it because it it like what it also shows is how again comes back to beliefs, right? Like we get caught up in these beliefs and associations and rules. And so the belief will association you had with you on holidays that in order to feel refreshed you need to have an alcoholic drink. Right. So just that little test text exchange just kind of blew that out of the water for you.
And you're like, oh, there's a different option here, which is. Nice. Yeah, that's what I love about coaching, man. It's about getting out of our own way, like understanding where we are, putting the blinkers on and and being shown, well, what else could be true here, right? And then that's what enables you to make different choices. So what were some of the other things then as we were working together that you found helpful or or maybe not helpful? I don't. Know one one thing that really stuck with me was was rebuilding my belief system and what was important to me because I came back to that a lot and one of the many things that was on that list was I wanted to be the best version of myself particularly for my family and my children and you know when I when I had.
To fight urges throughout the journey, I always came back to that belief and This is why I'm doing that. And it, it was hard because, you know, when, when I was stuck in the cycle, it was very easy to lie to myself and to cheat on what I had agreed to earlier in the day, which was, Hey, I'm not going to drink tonight. And then I would always come up with an excuse. And it was nice to have that backbone of, hey, I've, I've committed that these are the beliefs of why I'm doing this and why I want to be better every day and to, to fall back on that.
And, and I would tell you that every single day it is, is a small step towards getting better. I think that the worst thing that I attempted to do while going through this was setting too aggressive of a timeline and setting a date. And what was really helpful for me was was literally taking it one step at a time, crawling first, walking second, running third. And now I, I finally feel like I'm in the running stage where I've got this backbone of beliefs that are important to me. And now I'm, I'm running and I'm, I'm really, you know, it's almost ingrained in me at this point. So that really helped me along the way. Yeah, that's really sage advice because it's doing the reps, isn't it?
You know, sometimes we're trying to get somewhere too quick, too far. It's so easy to be disappointed or disheartened by what your expectation is versus the reality. Whereas like taking it, as you said, gradually one, I think it helps you to reflect on how you're doing it as well, right? You know, when we're coaching, what I love doing to start a session is reflecting like how you feeling, OK, why are you feeling like that? What were the thoughts that were helping you to feel like that or making you feel like that? Because then you kind of you understand yourself more in that process as well.
So you can build on it like building blocks, whereas if you're just trying to get from like A-Z without knowing what's in between, you've got no idea how you got there. So if things don't work out, you've got no idea how to get back as well, right? So. Yeah, that's really, really helpful just to and, and, and look, because we, me, you many people listening when we're stopping drinking, it's usually coming from a real place of pain. And so of course it makes sense that we want to try and get away from that as quickly as possible does, but actually by looking at the the progress you're making along the way, that's going to what really makes that reinforcement of what you're doing and why?
Yeah, yeah. And I, you know, when you're when you are going through it, it is hard. And I, I think that one of the other skills that you helped me reinforce with myself is the power of positive talk internally. You know, it's really easy to get stuck in the pattern of beating yourself up along the way and not giving yourself some grace. And I, I recall some of our sessions where you'd say, hey, man, take a step back and realize like, it's all right, you're doing, you're doing just fine. And you know, if if you have your focus so far down the road that you're not able to see the little progress that you're making along the way, it can be a dangerous thing.
So give yourself some grace. Make sure that you talk kindly to yourself because ultimately you, you deserve it. Yeah, yeah. I love that. What were some of the other things that you found helpful is when we were coaching together, so be inclined to yourself is I'm a huge advocate of for sure. You know, I was, I was blessed my my wife and my family. They were ultimately supportive of me. And in order to get it to that point, I had to speak to them and tell them the struggle that I was going through. And that was hard, equally as hard as, as coming to you for help was going to them and saying, Hey, you know, I'm going on this journey and here's why.
And This is why it's important to me. And they were fantastic throughout the process. They, they helped me, they supported me. So I, I think letting others know that you're going through this is a really powerful thing. It feels really good when you meet somebody that's wants to support you through this journey. It makes you feel less alone and that that was really helpful for me. Yeah, definitely. Because what do you think gets in the way of reaching out or talking about needing help? Yeah, I, you know, for me, I, I didn't want people to think that I had something wrong with bit ashamed of that.
But I, I realized very shortly that, you know, almost who cares why not now? And that, you know, I had this belief that everybody around me was, was living the perfect life and nobody else had struggles, But that was the exact opposite of what's really happening. And, and so getting the courage to tell them that this was the journey that I was going to go through and getting the support was not only fantastic, but it was really empowering. Yeah, right. That's that's you taking control of the narrative. Yeah, flip the script right. Yeah, 100% man.
Nice. What was that unexpected outcome of us working together? An unexpected outcome. I think that I did not put enough emphasis on the work that I had to put into this. I thought that just by hiring a coach was enough. And I tried that for, you know, four or five weeks and I would attend the sessions. But until I really flippedd the scripts of that, I'm doing this for myself and putting in the actual work, I, I wasn't going to make the change that I needed. I, I thought that just by hiring somebody who would fix the problem, much like, you know, just take some medication and you'll be fine. But that wasn't the truth.
You, you had to put in the work. And you know, I would, I would tell anybody listening that the, the investment in yourself is worth everything. And it, it was for me and it continues to be. And we're, we're evolving creatures and I want to evolve in a positive way. And I, I ultimately didn't want to be consumed or have my life consumed around alcohol. And it, it's so empowering, Patrick, it, it feels wonderful. Yeah, love it. And then, oh, maybe a couple more questions, if that's all right and. Absolutely.
So how so how's like life different now, right, Because two years is pretty substantial amount of time not drinking, especially if you were having 56 drinks a day, you know. Oh, and actually I wanted to say on that as well is that that that gradual increase, that's tolerance, right? Like the your brain gets used to drinking that amount and so the dopamine receptors down regulate. So you have to drink more to get the same effect. And that's why it can just kind of go off the charts towards the end. That's right.
What's it life like for you now, man? It's fantastic. You know, the, the 1st 6 to 8 months was kind of rough for me. I was dealing with some withdrawal symptoms, certainly some mental issues where I needed to reframe that self thought. But once I climbed out of it, man, I, I really started succeeding more at work. I feel more present in my day-to-day. I, I've become more active in my family. I was telling you before we got on, I, I've started helping coach my daughter's soccer team. And, you know, that's something I probably wouldn't have done before because I would have rather watched the practice on the hill and had some beers. But now I'm out there running around with her and we're laughing and we're having a good time. You know, I, I find myself wanting to take better care of myself.
I go to bed earlier. I'm certainly able to get more done around the house and in our lives and I feel productive. So it's, you know, it's I, I can't even explain the, the night and day difference that it's been for me, but I, I can feel it more than anything, which is, and, and I, I feel proud. I feel like I've accomplished something that is very difficult and it's worth it. It was worth every ounce of energy that I put into it. Yeah, man, yeah, damn right. You should feel proud about it as well, mate. Like I was saying earlier, it's such a massive thing. You know, if I don't know what the numbers are, but we'll just make one up, right?
I think you're in the 1% club, like 1% of, of people that want to make this change and, and, and do it, but not only that create the life they want afterwards, right? Like this isn't a case of just stopping drinking and then just getting by. Like this is stopping drinking and deciding like how do I want to show up? Who do I want to be? You know, those are the really big things. I'm really glad you mentioned as well about how the 1st 6 to 8 months would were tough.
And I think sometimes that is the case, right, Because you're changing habits of a lifetime. You're withdrawing from a drug essentially, right, which has a massive impact in in your brain in terms of your emotional regulation and stuff like that. So is having that patience with this is so key, right? Because as we were saying earlier, sometimes we want to be further ahead than we are. But actually just recognising like the more patient you are, the longer you give it, the better it gets. Yeah. Well said. Yeah, nice. All right, dude. Well, look, before we go, I want to ask you a question that I like to ask all my guests.
And that is, what does it mean to be radically human? What does it mean to be radically human? Yeah, I think that means we are, we are here to, to feel and experience the wonderful emotions that the human body can experience. And if, if you're hiding from those emotions, you're really missing out some of the, you know, feeling sad doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. It's, it's a way to release. Feeling happy can be an incredible emotional thing that will make you feel empowered. So I really think that being radically human is the gift of experiencing emotion.
Yes, love that. As you were sharing, a question came up for me as well and I was thinking, yeah, what would Nick two years ago of thought of what you just said, about what you just said? He probably would have said that's BS. You know, emotions. Emotions are for girls or emotions are for people who are soft. I, I really did believe that back in the day. And now I, I don't, I think it's a gift. And and listen, I'm not, I'm not perfect at experiencing all of these emotions and I don't think anybody is, but it is, it is a special feeling that we are able to go through. Yeah, 100%.
Look, we're all flawed man, And and and the goal is never to be perfect of all of this stuff because that's what makes the variety of life, right and what makes it good. But we just get better at learning how to be with our emotions and control them if needed. And yeah, it like what an incredible turn around in two years then in terms of your mindset about emotions, right? I just, I had a similar thing, like I was confused by them for years because we had that conditioning, right? Like, oh, it's not I think for men, right?
It's not OK to to have emotions or emotions are for girls, like whatever, right? I'm sure we've all got lots of different versions of the same thing effectively. So yeah, actually now embracing how we feel like, what an incredible experience. Absolutely. Yeah, I'm feeling it now, actually. Just sharing that, man. Like getting some goosebumps and tingling in my chest. Amazing. All right, Nick, is there anything else that you'd love to offer anyone listening today? I would offer, if you're on the group chat and you need somebody to talk to, I'm always willing to listen and I encourage everybody to have a little belief in yourself and make the investment that you deserve you.
You deserve this and with a little bit of effort and some practice, I know you can be successful and I wish you the best of luck along the way. Yeah, awesome. Thanks, man. All right, Nick, I really appreciate you coming back to share your journey, man. It's been absolute privilege working with you and amazing to hear your story and totality for for everyone else here today as well, man Appreciate you. Thank you, Patrick. Thank you all for listening as well. As you can hear from Nick's story, there are so many things that you can probably relate to and change can happen a lot quicker than we think, but we also need to be patient with it in the beginning. So thanks for listening.
Take care,
